The best redneck jokes

Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.  The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.  At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.  The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyser test.  To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the truly proud Redneck. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
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has 85.45 % from 456 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, car, cop, redneck
Q: Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve? A: All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.
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has 84.65 % from 205 votes. More jokes about: death, family, redneck
Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? A: Hey y'all... Watch this!
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has 84.12 % from 284 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, redneck
A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States." The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?" Redneck: "Why, is it required?"
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has 79.83 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: geography, phone, political, redneck, stupid
Whats the cheapest type of meat that a redneck can buy? Deer balls, they're under a buck.
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has 79.10 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: food, redneck
Q: What is a redneck's last words? A: Hold my beer and watch this!
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has 78.40 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: beer, death, redneck
Q: What do two rednecks say after breaking up? A: Lets just be cousins.
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has 77.40 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: family, redneck, relationship
Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style? A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
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has 77.14 % from 430 votes. More jokes about: dirty, redneck, sex, sport
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
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has 75.19 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, redneck, sex
You're a redneck if: -You have more fingers than you do teeth -You cut your grass and find a car -You consider Denny's a Fancy Resturant -Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors -Your age is higher than your I.Q. -Your favorite pickup line is "Does this look infected to you?" -You ask your wife whether the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies "It's a gummy bear." -You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up. -You say "Watch this" every time before you goto the hospital. -Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.
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has 75.03 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: car, family, hospital, redneck, stupid
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