The best soccer jokes

During the soccer match little Johny sits in the front row. His friend asks: How did you get tickets? From my brother - respond Petya. And where is your brother? At home. Looking for his ticket.
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has 80.55 % from 557 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, soccer
A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?" He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match." But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?" He answered, "Because there was extra time."
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has 73.17 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: school, soccer, teacher
Police have found the body of a man in the Thames wearing a Chelsea shirt, womens underwear, fishnet stockings, suspenders and with an extra large dildo stuck up his arse. They have removed the Chelsea shirt to save the family any embarrassment ...
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has 72.62 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: cop, family, soccer, sport
A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer." Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better." The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
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has 68.02 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: doctor, game, soccer, sport
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
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has 65.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, soccer
A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch. Ok boys, he said, who's shit on the ground? Emile Heskey replied: "Me coach, but I'm good in the air!"
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: soccer, sport
Four men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver." The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest." The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"
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has 58.42 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: soccer, sport
Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer? A: Chelsea.
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has 57.98 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men, political, soccer, sport
Q: Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet? A: Because they can't stop saving their work.
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has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: internet, soccer, sport, time, work
"Grandpa, grandpa! I'm watching a soccer game!" Grandpa: "Who's playing?" Grandson: "Austria-Hungary." Grandpa: "Against who?"
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has 55.13 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: soccer
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