There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.
The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
I had a programming problem and decided to use regular expressions to solve it. Now I have two problems.
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don't C#.
3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.