If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.
3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don't C#.
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.