There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
I had a programming problem and decided to use regular expressions to solve it. Now I have two problems.
Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.
The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
The thing programming and essay writing have in common: the easier the writing is to use, the harder it is to write.