There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don't C#.
I had a programming problem and decided to use regular expressions to solve it. Now I have two problems.
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.