The best morbid jokes

This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!
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has 85.66 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: airplane, black humor, death, morbid, travel
Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"
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has 83.00 % from 324 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, doctor, morbid, sex
3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
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has 81.84 % from 166 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, ethnic, morbid, travel
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner. "Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken.
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has 81.52 % from 163 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, morbid
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
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has 81.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, morbid, prison, women
Q: Where do suicide bombers go after they die? A: Everywhere!
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has 80.17 % from 209 votes. More jokes about: death, morbid, terrorist
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
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has 79.93 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, morbid, relationship, work
Don't make 9/11 jokes, my dad died at the twin towers. The best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.
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has 78.59 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: airplane, black humor, morbid
A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds: "Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks." The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?" The guy says: "Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her." The friends are cheering and one friend asks: "Soo... did you get any head?" The guy says: "No, I couldn't find it..."
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has 77.03 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, morbid, sex, women
Q: What's faster than the speed of light? A: A jew passing Germany.
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: black humor, jewish, morbid, racist, travel
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