The best ugly jokes

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 84.95 % from 794 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
Vote: has 83.42 % from 485 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
Vote: has 82.84 % from 6266 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A guy goes into this bar, sits down and orders a drink. While waiting, he sees a guy sitting at the bar who has a very big muscular body but a little tiny head. So, he asks the guy, "How is it that you have such a huge body and a small head?" The guy replied, "I was walking along the beach one day and I came across this bottle buried halfway in the sand. So I picked it up, brushed away the sand, and out popped this fine female genie. She said she would grant me three wishes for releasing her." "For my first wish, I asked for ten-million dollars, and POOF right there on the sand was $10,000,00." "For my second wish, I asked for a luxury yacht, and POOF right there on the ocean was a 90-foot yacht." "Finally for my third wish, I asked to have sex with the genie, but she said that genies were not allowed to indulge in that kind of activities." So, I said, "c'mon, how about a little head?"
Vote: has 82.69 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, genie, money, sex, ugly
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
Vote: has 81.53 % from 4463 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, college, Santa, ugly, Yo mama
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 80.92 % from 317 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, men, ugly
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her imaginary friend played with other kids.
Vote: has 79.39 % from 577 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mama so ugly, even hello kitty said goodbye.
Vote: has 78.89 % from 212 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, kitty, ugly, Yo mama
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
Vote: has 78.61 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, mean, party, ugly, women
Yo mamma so ugly that her birth certificate came with an apology letter from the condom factory.
Vote: has 77.81 % from 316 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama