The best ugly jokes

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 87.23 % from 658 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
Vote: has 84.27 % from 379 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
Vote: has 83.81 % from 4393 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
Vote: has 82.04 % from 3595 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, college, Santa, ugly, Yo mama
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 81.07 % from 302 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, men, ugly
Yo mama so ugly, even hello kitty said goodbye.
Vote: has 79.50 % from 89 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, kitty, ugly, Yo mama
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her imaginary friend played with other kids.
Vote: has 78.87 % from 353 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, Yo mama
Your momma so ugly she gave Freddy Kruger nightmares.
Vote: has 78.55 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
Vote: has 77.37 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, mean, party, ugly, women
Yo mamma so ugly that her birth certificate came with an apology letter from the condom factory.
Vote: has 76.14 % from 238 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama