The best ugly jokes

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 85.93 % from 766 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
A guy goes into this bar, sits down and orders a drink. While waiting, he sees a guy sitting at the bar who has a very big muscular body but a little tiny head. So, he asks the guy, "How is it that you have such a huge body and a small head?" The guy replied, "I was walking along the beach one day and I came across this bottle buried halfway in the sand. So I picked it up, brushed away the sand, and out popped this fine female genie. She said she would grant me three wishes for releasing her." "For my first wish, I asked for ten-million dollars, and POOF right there on the sand was $10,000,00." "For my second wish, I asked for a luxury yacht, and POOF right there on the ocean was a 90-foot yacht." "Finally for my third wish, I asked to have sex with the genie, but she said that genies were not allowed to indulge in that kind of activities." So, I said, "c'mon, how about a little head?"
Vote: has 83.37 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, genie, money, sex, ugly
Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
Vote: has 83.14 % from 5635 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
Vote: has 82.91 % from 464 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
Vote: has 81.69 % from 4088 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, college, Santa, ugly, Yo mama
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 81.32 % from 312 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, men, ugly
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her imaginary friend played with other kids.
Vote: has 80.16 % from 486 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, Yo mama
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
Vote: has 79.52 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, mean, party, ugly, women
"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?" "What" "We're both ugly!"
Vote: has 79.34 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, single, ugly
Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her for Halloween!
Vote: has 78.85 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Halloween, insulting, ugly, Yo mama