The best ugly jokes

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 87.58 % from 624 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
Vote: has 84.65 % from 338 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
Vote: has 84.20 % from 4024 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
Vote: has 82.14 % from 3414 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: ugly, Yo mama
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
Vote: has 81.69 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, ugly
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 80.95 % from 300 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, men, ugly
A chubbier woman: "Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" Mirror: "Kindly move aside. I can't see anything."
Vote: has 80.46 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, ugly, women
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her imaginary friend played with other kids.
Vote: has 79.19 % from 327 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, Yo mama
"Madam, your son just called me an ugly swine!" The mother apologizes shamefacedly, "I'm so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look..."
Vote: has 78.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, vulgar
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
Vote: has 77.20 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, mean, party, ugly, women