The best ugly jokes

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 86.49 % from 742 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
Two blondes were talking together: First: "How about your engaged Jim? Is he keeping well?" Second: "He isn't just now my engaged." First: Hi good news. His nose was too big and his head was bald with an ugly face!" Second: "He is now my husband!"
Vote: has 85.39 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, communication, husband, stupid, ugly
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
Vote: has 83.54 % from 449 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?" "What" "We're both ugly!"
Vote: has 83.45 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, single, ugly
Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
Vote: has 83.34 % from 5296 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
Vote: has 81.76 % from 3935 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, college, Santa, ugly, Yo mama
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 81.26 % from 311 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, men, ugly
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her imaginary friend played with other kids.
Vote: has 80.13 % from 447 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, Yo mama
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
Vote: has 79.52 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, mean, party, ugly, women
Yo mama so ugly, even hello kitty said goodbye.
Vote: has 77.91 % from 151 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, kitty, ugly, Yo mama