The best ugly jokes

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote:
has 83.78 % from 947 votes. More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
Vote:
has 82.82 % from 588 votes. More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
Vote:
has 82.28 % from 7759 votes. More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
Vote:
has 81.27 % from 5283 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, college, Santa, ugly, Yo mama
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote:
has 81.07 % from 337 votes. More jokes about: age, men, ugly
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her imaginary friend played with other kids.
Vote:
has 80.26 % from 776 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, Yo mama
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
Vote:
has 79.27 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: life, ugly
Yo mama so ugly, even hello kitty said goodbye.
Vote:
has 78.85 % from 445 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kitty, ugly, Yo mama
"Madam, your son just called me an ugly swine!" The mother apologizes shamefacedly, "I'm so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look..."
Vote:
has 77.37 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, vulgar
A guy goes into this bar, sits down and orders a drink. While waiting, he sees a guy sitting at the bar who has a very big muscular body but a little tiny head. So, he asks the guy, "How is it that you have such a huge body and a small head?" The guy replied, "I was walking along the beach one day and I came across this bottle buried halfway in the sand. So I picked it up, brushed away the sand, and out popped this fine female genie. She said she would grant me three wishes for releasing her." "For my first wish, I asked for ten-million dollars, and POOF right there on the sand was $10,000,00." "For my second wish, I asked for a luxury yacht, and POOF right there on the ocean was a 90-foot yacht." "Finally for my third wish, I asked to have sex with the genie, but she said that genies were not allowed to indulge in that kind of activities." So, I said, "c'mon, how about a little head?"
Vote:
has 77.05 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: bar, genie, money, sex, ugly
1234
More jokes →
Page 1 of 14.