The best ugly jokes

An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
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has 83.77 % from 762 votes. More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
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has 82.95 % from 1025 votes. More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
A guy goes into this bar, sits down and orders a drink. While waiting, he sees a guy sitting at the bar who has a very big muscular body but a little tiny head. So, he asks the guy, "How is it that you have such a huge body and a small head?" The guy replied, "I was walking along the beach one day and I came across this bottle buried halfway in the sand. So I picked it up, brushed away the sand, and out popped this fine female genie. She said she would grant me three wishes for releasing her." "For my first wish, I asked for ten-million dollars, and POOF right there on the sand was $10,000,00." "For my second wish, I asked for a luxury yacht, and POOF right there on the ocean was a 90-foot yacht." "Finally for my third wish, I asked to have sex with the genie, but she said that genies were not allowed to indulge in that kind of activities." So, I said, "c'mon, how about a little head?"
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has 82.81 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: bar, genie, money, sex, ugly
Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
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has 82.13 % from 8017 votes. More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
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has 81.30 % from 353 votes. More jokes about: age, men, ugly
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
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has 81.08 % from 5446 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, college, Santa, ugly, Yo mama
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her imaginary friend played with other kids.
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has 80.68 % from 837 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mama so ugly, even hello kitty said goodbye.
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has 78.21 % from 496 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kitty, ugly, Yo mama
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
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has 78.03 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: life, ugly
Yo mama so ugly, people break into her house to close the curtains!
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has 77.03 % from 233 votes. More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
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