The best office jokes

Office executive "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?" Boss "Certainly not!" Office executive "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."
Vote: has 84.17 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: management, mother in law, office
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer enquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
Vote: has 84.07 % from 146 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, money, office, work
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
Vote: has 83.37 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: management, office, work
A lawyer has just settled down in his new office. So now, he is thinking what he can do to have clients. After a long time thinking, a man comes into the office. Right away, the lawyer decides to make his new plan take action. So he picks up the phone and says: "Unfortunately, Ms. Onassis, I cannot undertake your case right now. I am working full time, call me in a month to see if I can help you." He puts the phone down and says to the waiting man: "How can I help you sir?" "Nothing really, I am from telephone communications, I just came to connect your phone."
Vote: has 81.65 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, lawyer, office, phone, work
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
Vote: has 77.88 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, office, time
"Mommy," Little Johnny asked, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?" "No, dear," she replied. "Sometimes they start with 'Darling, I'll be working late at the office tonight...'"
Vote: has 74.69 % from 237 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, office, work
Two programmers after work, talking in a pub: "You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar." - And what did you do ? "I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her." "Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?" "I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop." "Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"
Vote: has 74.52 % from 170 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, IT, office, programmer, women
Put a "Please Use Other Door" sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: April fools, office
Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, money, office, time, work
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, office, party, time