The best mean jokes

Gravely ill, the Skipper was examined by a doctor while his wife stood by. After the examination the physician motioned for her to meet him in the hallway. "Your husband is very sick," the doctor said. "Still, you can do three things to ensure his survival: First, fix him three healthy meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment and don’t complain about anything. Finally, have sex and oral sex with him every day." The doctor left and the woman returned to her husband’s room. "What did the doctor say?" he asked. "I’m sorry, m’dear," she said, "but he said you’re not going to make it."
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More jokes about: doctor, husband, marriage, mean, wife
Bob had been listening to his wife practicing her singing. "Honey," he said, "I wish you'd sing the songs about Women's Day." "That's nice of you, Bob," she said. "Why?" "Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"
Vote: has 85.56 % from 375 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: mean, music, time, wife, women
Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk" Son: "What's mom gonna be?" Me: "Mad"
Vote: has 85.04 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, drunk, family, Halloween, mean
Workplaces are like septic tanks: All the biggest lumps eventually rise to the top.
Vote: has 84.80 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: management, mean, work
There are two essential rules to management. First, the customer is always right. Second, they must be punished for their arrogance.
Vote: has 84.52 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: customer service, management, mean
My ex-girlfriend loves the heat. She has a nostalgia for hell.
Vote: has 84.52 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: love, mean, relationship
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
Vote: has 83.88 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: holiday, marriage, mean, women
Q: What is a difference between "accident " and "tragedy"? A: Suppose you with the family are beside a pool. You suddenly push your mother in law into the pool - so it's an accident. If she could swim and gets out, in that case, it's a tragedy!
Vote: has 83.62 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, life, mean, mother in law
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Vote: has 83.37 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, mean, men, money, women
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra." Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!" Wife: "You wear shorts!"
Vote: has 82.81 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, communication, marriage, mean, money