The best accountant jokes

A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.” The woman, “Ok, I’m a prostitute.” “No, that is still too crude. Try again.” They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.” The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?” “Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”
Vote: has 86.05 % from 300 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, dirty, tax, women
Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.
Vote: has 84.99 % from 631 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, nerd, sex
Q: What is the definition of "accountant"? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
Vote: has 84.52 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, money, work
Q: Why do economists exist? A: So accountants have someone to laugh at.
Vote: has 83.37 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, money, work
An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"
Vote: has 82.86 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, geography, lawyer
What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
Vote: has 81.69 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

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Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.
Vote: has 81.69 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, work
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers only buy one ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Tickets, please!" The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants see this and agree it is a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer. When they board the train all three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Tickets, please!"
Vote: has 81.26 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, money, travel, work
The clerk walks into the boss's office and says, "The auditors have just left, sir." "Have they finished checking the books?", asks the boss. "Very thoroughly," is the reply. "Well, what did they say", says the boss. "They want 15% to keep quiet."
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, management, money
Q: What's an actuary? A: An accountant without the sense of humor.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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