The best programmer jokes

Murphy's Laws of Computing 1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete. 3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it. 4. When the going gets tough, upgrade. 5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. 6. To err is human.. to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural. 7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up. 8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer. 9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine. 10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions. 11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
has 85.62 % from 195 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT, programmer
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!" The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"
has 85.27 % from 819 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer, travel, women
Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking bitches!
has 85.22 % from 1249 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer
Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
has 84.92 % from 628 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer, women
Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
has 84.65 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: coding, geek, IT, programmer, work
Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.
has 84.60 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: coding, geek, IT, programmer, work
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, that's a hardware problem.
has 83.85 % from 369 votes. More jokes about: IT, light bulb, programmer
A system administrator has 2 problems: - dumb users - smart users
has 83.53 % from 253 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT, programmer
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
has 82.98 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: coding, computer, geek, IT, programmer
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the IT professional, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
has 82.92 % from 329 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer
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