The best doctor jokes

A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
Vote: has 33.37 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, doctor, medical, stupid
"My son, this is your senior year at school so your mom and I decided that you’re going to be a doctor." "But what are you saying dad? You know very well that I’m not in a position even to... kill a mosquito."
Vote: has 30.77 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, school
One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor: - Help me, please. I have a knife in my back. The doctor, looking his watch says: - Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8. - But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now. The doctor, angrily says: - I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow. - But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back. The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye. - Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
Vote: has 30.36 % from 43 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, time
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams inagony. She pushes her knee and screams,pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I'm really a blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken
Vote: has 29.93 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, doctor, health
Patient: "How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?" Doctor: "Fifty rupees." Patient: "Fifty ruppes, for only a few second’s work?" Doctor: "Well, I will do it very slowly." Patient: "How much is for the operation?" Doctor: "Rupees on thousand." Patient: "But it was a serious one." Doctor: "Nonsense. You can’t buy a serious operation for Rupees one Thousand now-a days."
Vote: has 29.93 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life, money
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
Vote: has 28.61 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, old people
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
Vote: has 28.61 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, lawyer
My wife is so kinky, when she was born, the doctor slapped her bottom to make her cry, and she said "Don't forget to pull my hair" I accidentally swallowed some WhiteOut last night. Woke up with a massive correction.
Vote: has 26.30 % from 149 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, sex, wife
I got really love sick the other day working away from home. Went to the doctors and they said it was chlamydia.
Vote: has 24.28 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, marriage


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