The best husband jokes

The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch. With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there. "Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father. "But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits. "Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her. And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
Vote:
has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: food, god, husband, kids, life
A woman was suspicious in the loyalty of her husband for a long time and she decided to make him jealous. "My love, what would you say if I was having sex with your best friend?" "I'd say you're a lesbian!"
Vote:
has 66.93 % from 349 votes. More jokes about: husband, lesbian, love, marriage, sex
Wife asked her husband to give her the newspaper. Husband: "How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper... Take my iPad..." Wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach. Husband faints. Moral: Whatever the wife asks, give her without argument. Show your smartness in office, not at home.
Vote:
has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: communication, husband, office, technology, wife
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple in their bedroom. The husband turned to his wife and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen action in years. If he wants sex, I think it's best to just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it." "I'm so relieved you feel that way," replies his wife, "because he told me he thinks you're really cute."
Vote:
has 66.81 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: couple, husband, marriage, sex
Two blondes were talking together: First: "How about your engaged Jim? Is he keeping well?" Second: "He isn't just now my engaged." First: Hi good news. His nose was too big and his head was bald with an ugly face!" Second: "He is now my husband!"
Vote:
has 66.72 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: blonde, communication, husband, stupid, ugly
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Vote:
has 66.34 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, marriage, wife
On the other day in a cemetery, I saw a woman who was rubbing her ass to a grave. When I asked the reason, she answered: "It was my husband when he was alive; always he told me: 'Your ass is so sweet whenever any dead man touches it he'll be alive!'"
Vote:
has 66.27 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, sex
There were three women sitting at a bar, talking about how loose they were. One woman said that her husband could fit his arm in up to his elbow. The next woman said her man could fit his leg in up to his knee. The last woman just slid over the bar stool.
Vote:
has 66.04 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, husband
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably... "My wife missed the bus"
Vote:
has 65.92 % from 1194 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, marriage, wife
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Vote:
has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, wife
<<<12131415
More jokes →
Page 12 of 22.