The best husband jokes

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
Vote: has 65.57 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, husband, men, sex, women
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Vote: has 64.93 % from 70 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, husband, marriage, wife
A woman was suspicious in the loyalty of her husband for a long time and she decided to make him jealous. "My love, what would you say if I was having sex with your best friend?" "I'd say you're a lesbian!"
Vote: has 64.62 % from 201 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, lesbian, love, marriage, sex
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple in their bedroom. The husband turned to his wife and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen action in years. If he wants sex, I think it's best to just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it." "I'm so relieved you feel that way," replies his wife, "because he told me he thinks you're really cute."
Vote: has 64.43 % from 85 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: couple, husband, marriage, sex
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
Vote: has 64.35 % from 59 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, husband, old people
A husband and wife are having financial troubles. They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash. The husband drops his wife off in the red light area of town, and returns 6 hours later. She gets in the car and says, "Look, I made $40.50 !" "What jerk gave you 50 cents?" he asks. "All of them!"
Vote: has 63.97 % from 164 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage, money, time, wife
An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying. The mortician walked over to comfort her. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his fervent wish to be buried in a blue suit. The mortician apologized and explained that traditionally they always put bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the funeral parlor to have one last moment with Albert before the funeral the following day. When the mortician pulled back the curtain, she managed a smile through her tears as Albert was resplendent in a smart blue suit. She said to the mortician, “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful suit?” “Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit,” the mortician replied. “His wife was quite upset because she wanted him buried in the traditional black suit.” Albert’s wife smiled at the undertaker. “After that,” he continued, “it was just a matter of swapping the heads.”
Vote: has 63.81 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, husband, old people
Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
Vote: has 63.69 % from 451 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage, time, wife
A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage, men
Two husbands were having a conversation, First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Vote: has 63.61 % from 450 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife


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