The best wife jokes

Wife: "Honey let's play a game?" Husband: "Ok, what is the game all about?" Wife: "If I mention a country, you will run to the left side of the room and touch the wall. And if I mention a bird you will run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you will give me all your salary for the month." Husband: "Ok and if you fail, I will have your salary too right?" Wife: (smile) "Yes darling." Husband: "Ok" (stood up and was ready to run to any direction) Wife: "Are u ready?" Husband: "Yes, ready." Wife: "Turkey" It has been 4 hours now the husband is still standing at the spot wondering if she meant the country or the bird.
Vote:
has 61.92 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, money, wife
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
Vote:
has 61.60 % from 274 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, sex, wife
A man was going to bed one night when his wife told him that he had left the light on in the shed. She could see the light was on from the bedroom window. As the man looked for himself he saw that there were people in the shed taking things. The man phoned the police, but they told him that no one was in the area to help him at that time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available. He said "OK," hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello" he said, "I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now 'cause I've shot them." Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you shot Them!" The man replied, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Vote:
has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: cop, phone, wife
My wife beamed at me with pride and said, "Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!" I said, "This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter."
Vote:
has 61.36 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: black humor, kids, wife
A Black man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical black baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the proud father of an amazing black baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?" The father drank the bottle of whisky at one go, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
Vote:
has 61.34 % from 515 votes. More jokes about: baby, bar, bartender, black people, wife
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
Vote:
has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, money, wife
A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
Vote:
has 61.13 % from 287 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, health, hospital, wife
In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
Vote:
has 60.95 % from 131 votes. More jokes about: dirty, funeral, insulting, sex, wife
A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x. The code is: "Making a call." One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call. The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order. Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call. The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."
Vote:
has 60.73 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: kids, marriage, phone, sex, wife
Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight? Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board, and I'll sit on the couch while drinking beer and farting.
Vote:
has 60.69 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: beer, fart, husband, life, wife
<<<30313233
More jokes →
Page 30 of 48.