The best wife jokes

The man was looking for a way, over and over, for his wife so she can drive more carefully and he found it; "Darling, if an accident happens, the police will record your real age!"
Vote: has 85.65 % from 179 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, cop, marriage, wife
Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Chad. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "
Vote: has 85.61 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, life, marriage, wife
“Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist on the phone, “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.” “Okay, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed, “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.” “But I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.” “Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor. “Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife has it too.” “Oh crap!” the physician roared, “That means we’ve all got it!”
Vote: has 85.18 % from 492 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, phone, wife, women
A wife tells her husband while watching a Mexican TV series: "Look, how much he loves her…" "Yes. But do you know how much he's being paid for that?"
Vote: has 84.99 % from 202 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, mexican, money, wife
A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen". The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them". Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fucked now".
Vote: has 84.80 % from 616 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: computer, IT, technology, wife, winter
Things Your Wife Won't Say: The smell of beer on your breath drives me wild. I'm bored. Let's shave the p***y. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house. Let's get a good porno movie, a case of beer, and make an afternoon of it. God, if I don't blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust! I only signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head. Let's subscribe to Hustler. Let's take pictures so your friends will believe you. Honey, our neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again. Come see! Awesome fart! Do another one!
Vote: has 84.69 % from 198 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, fart, marriage, wife
A guy at a bar was just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Vote: has 84.58 % from 189 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, car, life, wife
Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
Vote: has 84.56 % from 788 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, wife, women
Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives. The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door." The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones." The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a d**k."
Vote: has 84.51 % from 284 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, car, marriage, stupid, wife
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Vote: has 84.49 % from 413 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife, women