Best jokes ever

John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you? Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
Vote: has 88.45 % from 244 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, men, wife
Wife to husband: ‘My mother says I should never have married you. She says you’re effeminate.’ Husband: ‘Compared to her everyone is.’
Vote: has 88.44 % from 172 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Vote: has 88.40 % from 3528 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, stupid, teacher
Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?
Vote: has 88.40 % from 253 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way. The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... Only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"
Vote: has 88.40 % from 263 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: air force, airplane, military, prison, wife
A man brings his cat to a veterinarian. He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as preagreed. He asks the veterinarian: Is my cat still alive? Still not...
Vote: has 88.38 % from 2983 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, death
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Arrive naked... with beer.
Vote: has 88.37 % from 648 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, love, men, romantic, women
God said to Adam, "I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First the good news. I have given you a brain and a p***s. The bad news… I’ve only given you enough blood to work one of them at a time!"
Vote: has 88.36 % from 993 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, men, sex, time
I’ve been happily married for ten whole years. And ten out of thirty isn’t bad.
Vote: has 88.35 % from 262 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and funeral procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!" To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."
Vote: has 88.34 % from 139 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage