There is man sitting in a bar who is really, really drunk.
When the bar closes he gets up to go home.
He stumbles and falls couple of times and finally manages to get out of the door.
As he gathers himself, he sees a nun passing by.
He stumbles over to her and starts punching her in the face.
The nun is shocked beyond belief, but before she could say anything, he leans over and punches her again.
This time the nun hits the pavement.
The drunk stumbles over to her, kicks her in the butt, picks her up and throws her against the wall.
By now the nun is very weak and can barely move.
He leans over her, grabbing her by the collar of her habit and says, "Not feeling too STRONG tonight, I thought you would be tougher Batman!"
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'
The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100.
So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?."
The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."
Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
How do barmen surf the web?
On the Gin-ternet.
Vote:
A compass „Drinker": loose your limbs, find your North, let us dance!
Chuck Norris can change the tire on a car while it's still moving.
One night a man walks into a bar with a pig.
The bartender says to the man, "That's a great looking pig, but why does he have a wooden leg?"
So the man says, "Let me tell you about this pig.
He is one special pig.
One night my house was on fire and he dragged me to safety.
Saved my life."
The bartender says.
"Well, that's great. But why does he have a wooden leg?"
The man says, "Let me tell you about this pig.
He is one special pig.
One time I was out sailing and the boat capsized.
This pig swam me to safety. Saved my life."
The bartender says, "That's really terrific, but why the wooden leg?"
The man says, "Let me tell you about this pig.
He is one special pig. Last week during an earthquake my house collapsed and my pig pulled me out. Saved my life."
And finally the bartender says,"Wow, that is one special pig.
He saved you from a fire, an earthquake and from drowning.
But why does he have a wooden leg?"
The man says, "When you have a pig this special you can't eat all of it at once."
I’ve been very depressed lately.
My wife’s threatened to leave me.
But even that hasn’t cheered me up.
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor.
‘One thing about Jim,’ his buddy said to the bartender.
‘He knows when to stop.’