The best god jokes

God called Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates to come to a conference. And when they were all there, God said, "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The bad news is that I'm really fed up with the way things are on Earth; so, I've decided to destroy it. The good news is that I'm giving you one week's notice." So, Bill Clinton called into session the joint houses of Congress and announced, "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news is there is a God. The bad news is that he's going to destroy the Earth in one week." Boris Yeltsin called into session the Communist Party and announced, "I've got bad news and worse news. The bad news is that there is a God after all. And the worse news is that he's going to destroy the Earth in one week." Bill Gates called all of his programmers, marketing experts and administrators together and announced, "I've got good news and I've got better news. The good news is that God thinks I'm one of the three most important men on Earth. The better news is that we don't have to fix Windows 95."
Vote:
has 74.45 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: god, IT, political
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.
Vote:
has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: god, lawyer, men, tax
Yo' Mama is so fat, she buys clothes in three sizes: large, extra large, and "Oh my God, it's coming towards us!"
Vote:
has 74.26 % from 267 votes. More jokes about: fat, god, insulting, Yo mama
Question: Why did God give men penises? Answer: So men would at least have one way to shut a woman up.
Vote:
has 73.87 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: god, women
Insurance never covers you against damage sustained by Chuck Norris, as it's classed as an Act of God!
Vote:
has 73.52 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, god, money
Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"
Vote:
has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bartender, god
Yo momma so poor that when she farted she said clap your hands stomp your feet praise to the lord we have heat.
Vote:
has 73.40 % from 258 votes. More jokes about: fart, god, insulting, money, Yo mama
Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!" The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!" The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''
Vote:
has 73.19 % from 341 votes. More jokes about: god, sport
In the beginning of time, God created the world and then rested. Then he created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.
Vote:
has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: god, time, women
At a Wednesday evening church meeting a very wealthy man rose to give his testimony. "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I can still remember the turning point in my faith, like it was yesterday: I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today." As he finished it was clear that everyone had been moved by this man's story. But, as he took his seat, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said: "Wonderful story! I dare you to do it again!"
Vote:
has 72.05 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: christian, church, god, money, old people
<<<6789
More jokes →
Page 6 of 19.