The best god jokes

Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: geek, god, math, science
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
Vote: has 73.22 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, cop, god, wife
Question: Why did God give men penises? Answer: So men would at least have one way to shut a woman up.
Vote: has 73.21 % from 153 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, women
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business. While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream. Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
Vote: has 72.89 % from 105 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, blonde, business, ginger, god
Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!" The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!" The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''
Vote: has 72.80 % from 336 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, sport
God called Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates to come to a conference. And when they were all there, God said, "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The bad news is that I'm really fed up with the way things are on Earth; so, I've decided to destroy it. The good news is that I'm giving you one week's notice." So, Bill Clinton called into session the joint houses of Congress and announced, "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news is there is a God. The bad news is that he's going to destroy the Earth in one week." Boris Yeltsin called into session the Communist Party and announced, "I've got bad news and worse news. The bad news is that there is a God after all. And the worse news is that he's going to destroy the Earth in one week." Bill Gates called all of his programmers, marketing experts and administrators together and announced, "I've got good news and I've got better news. The good news is that God thinks I'm one of the three most important men on Earth. The better news is that we don't have to fix Windows 95."
Vote: has 72.54 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, IT, political
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He’s in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He’s in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. And Little Johnny said, "Well… every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'"
Vote: has 72.39 % from 103 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, little Johnny, school, student, teacher
Yo momma so poor that when she farted she said clap your hands stomp your feet praise to the lord we have heat.
Vote: has 72.19 % from 211 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fart, god, insulting, money, Yo mama
Dentist (to the patient: "For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet." Patient: "Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, god, life
Originally it was called 'Chuck Norris Mode' but he decided to let god have that one because Chuck Norris is humble like that.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god, life