Joke #2229

Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!" The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!" The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''
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has 73.27 % from 346 votes. More jokes about: god, sport

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A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "F**k, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I f**k’n missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don’t use that language or god will punish you." The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, "Oh f**k" The priest said, "That’s it god will certainly punish you." Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, "F**K, I Missed."
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: death, god, golf, priest, sport
Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans. One day, both Billy and Joe made a pact that if either of them were to die; they had to come back to the other in the form of a ghost to let the other know if baseball was played in heaven. Sure enough, Billy dies and eventually comes to Joe one night in the form of a ghost. A startled Joe realizes it is the ghost of his deceased friend and says "Billy, it is so good to see you...so tell me, is there baseball in Heaven?". "Well", Billy says, "I have some good news and bad news for ya. First the good news...YES, there is baseball in heaven!". "Thank God!" Joe shouts... "What is the bad news?!". "You're pitching tomorrow."
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has 59.09 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: game, god, heaven, sport
There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. Bill's wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game. But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired. His wife asked, "What's the matter, Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now." Bill said, "Well, something terrible happened. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole." "My God, honey!" said the wife, rushing to comfort him. "That must've been terrible!" "It was," he said. "All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again..."
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has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: game, god, golf, sport, wife
On the ninth day, God said, "Let there be soccer." And it was good. Later on that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence." God said, "Let it be called the Manchester United." Later that day, God said, "Even Man U needs idiots." So HE made their fans.
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has 23.01 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: god, soccer, sport
Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!
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has 56.81 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, flirt, god, sex
Four men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver." The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest." The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"
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has 59.09 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: soccer, sport
What do you call a blonde that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose? "Darling."
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: sport
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
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has 85.13 % from 3395 votes. More jokes about: catholic, chocolate, food, god, kids
What did God say when he made the first niggers? Oops! Burnt another one!
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has 55.12 % from 327 votes. More jokes about: black people, god
During preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders. The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, "You are such a big, burley guy. Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite woman? She is no bigger than your hand." "That's right, Coach," replied the lineman. "But, she's much better!"
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has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: sport