The best husband jokes

Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
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has 37.97 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog, fish, husband
A blond was taking a shower and her husband called in and asked "did you find the new dry hair shampoo I picked up for you?" And the blond replied "yes but there's a problem I already got my hair wet"
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: blonde, husband
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men
My husband added some spice to our marriage. He's left home.
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has 36.10 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage
Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, time
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
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has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, work
Q. Did you hear about the funny blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
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has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, husband
Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone.  She decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.  When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number.  His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone.  "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes then will join you," he said. "As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!"  Then he hung up and walked out of the room. In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter.  Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy bread."
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has 27.98 % from 1648 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, music, women
One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word: "I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"
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has 26.64 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, men, wife
The wife of a boxer wakes up because of the sounds that come from the dining room. She wakes her husband up: Rocky, I think someone wants a particular boxing lesson...
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has 22.36 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: husband, sport, wife
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