The best husband jokes

A wife wanted an expensive fur coat from the executive husband to celebrate their Silver wedding anniversary. The miser overbearing rich husband rejected the expensive but affordable demand. He said, "You grow the hair on your chest and I will give you fur coat to cover it." The wife was out of control with anger. She pulls up her skirt, drops and throws her panties and pushes her hairy pubic area forward. She said, "There! I have the hair on my chest, now buy me that damn coat!" "That’s not your chest, that is your pussy!" husband screamed back. "Oh yes that is my chest all right" she yelled back. "While we were dating this was your chest of hope. We got married and on our honeymoon you used to tease me it was your chest of pleasure. Then I started bearing children and it became your chest of family, and damn it. If you don’t buy me that fur coat, it is going to be the community chest of public."
Vote:
has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wedding, wife
A man comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Joseph in the games anymore. The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?" "Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife. "Well," says the husband, "neither would Joseph."
Vote:
has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: game, husband, sport, wife
A blond was taking a shower and her husband called in and asked "did you find the new dry hair shampoo I picked up for you?" And the blond replied "yes but there's a problem I already got my hair wet"
Vote:
has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: blonde, husband
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Vote:
has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, work
What do you call a cow who argues with her husband? A bullfighter.
Vote:
has 36.90 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, husband
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Vote:
has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men
A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish. "I want to travel around the world with my darling husband", says the wife ...2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand ! Husband says "sorry love, my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me ..." So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92 !
Vote:
has 35.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: age, genie, husband, marriage, wife
My husband added some spice to our marriage. He's left home.
Vote:
has 35.73 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. ”I think you're bad luck."
Vote:
has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: husband, women
Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
Vote:
has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog, fish, husband
<<<2122
More jokes →
Page 21 of 22.