The best husband jokes

How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Vote: has 35.23 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

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My husband added some spice to our marriage. He's left home.
Vote: has 34.25 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Vote: has 32.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men
Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone.  She decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.  When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number.  His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone.  "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes then will join you," he said. "As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!"  Then he hung up and walked out of the room. In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter.  Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy bread."
Vote: has 27.86 % from 1634 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, music, women
Q. Did you hear about the funny blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Vote: has 24.92 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

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Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
Vote: has 24.26 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, men, time
One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word: "I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"
Vote: has 23.91 % from 115 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, life, men, wife
The wife of a boxer wakes up because of the sounds that come from the dining room. She wakes her husband up: Rocky, I think someone wants a particular boxing lesson...
Vote: has 22.04 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, sport, wife
Ricky Ponting's wife calls her husband but Australian Cricket Team Manager attends the call. Ricky's Wife: "Hello Can I talk to Ricky, this is his wife." Australian team Manager: "Sorry, he is just going to bat, I am the team manager, any message for him." Ricky's Wife: "No Problem Manager, I will hold on!"
Vote: has 18.30 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, sport, wife