The best husband jokes

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.” The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him Viagra?” The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed. ”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.” The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor’s office quickly. Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head. ”How did it go?” the doctor asked. ”Terrible, doctor, terrible.” ”Did it not work?” ”Yes,” the old lady said, ”It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.” ”Then what is the problem, ma’am?” ”Well,” she said. ”I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.
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has 85.10 % from 3257 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, husband, old people, sex
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
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has 85.09 % from 802 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, husband, marriage, wife
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
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has 85.08 % from 474 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife, women
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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has 85.07 % from 355 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, wife, wine
One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt. He said to her, "If you firmed up your butt we could get rid of your girdle." The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her breast and said, "If you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra." The wife grabbed her husband's penis and replied, "and if you firmed this up we could get rid of the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother!"
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has 85.03 % from 218 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, sex, wife
A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".
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has 84.95 % from 477 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, money, women
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. ”I think you're bad luck."
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has 84.93 % from 985 votes. More jokes about: husband, time, women
Gravely ill, the Skipper was examined by a doctor while his wife stood by. After the examination the physician motioned for her to meet him in the hallway. "Your husband is very sick," the doctor said. "Still, you can do three things to ensure his survival: First, fix him three healthy meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment and don’t complain about anything. Finally, have sex and oral sex with him every day." The doctor left and the woman returned to her husband’s room. "What did the doctor say?" he asked. "I’m sorry, m’dear," she said, "but he said you’re not going to make it."
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has 84.87 % from 343 votes. More jokes about: doctor, husband, marriage, mean, wife
Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...
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has 84.67 % from 1259 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, marriage, sex, wife
A woman is driving for 1st time on the highway. Her husband calls says: "Be careful love, It's just been on the radio, that someone is driving opposite to the traffic on the highway.." She replies: "Someone...? These rascals are in hundreds!"
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has 84.62 % from 264 votes. More jokes about: car, husband, love, women
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