Joke #1006

How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head.
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More jokes about: baby, black humor, dirty

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A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. "But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
Vote: has 84.03 % from 815 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dirty, school
Two kids were talking together. First: "My daddy is so tall that he can touch the clouds in the sky with his hands." Second: "That is excellent. Does your daddy touch something soft and downy?" First: "Yes, of course." Second: "Those are my daddy's testicles."
Vote: has 83.94 % from 501 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, communication, dad, dirty, kids
Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up. The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here." The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here." The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer." The others look confused and ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?" He proudly replies, "So I can beat the hell out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."
Vote: has 82.95 % from 264 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dirty, sport
Mr. Wilson comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck. "I have great news. I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can’t tell anybody.” The next day, Mrs. Wilson receives a telephone call from AEC (Atlanta Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid. “Am I speaking to Mrs. Wilson?” “Yes. Speaking.” AEC guy, “You’re a month overdue, you know!” “How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman. “Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!” says the AEC guy. “What are you saying? It’s in your files. HOW?” “Yes. We have a system of finding out who’s overdue.” “GOD! This is too much.” “Madam, I am sorry. I am following orders. I have to inform you are overdue.” “I know that. Let me talk to my husband about this tonight. He will speak to your company tomorrow.” That night, she tells her husband about the call, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning. “What’s going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?” the husband shouts. “Just calm down,” says the lady at the reception at AEC, “It’s nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.” “PAY you? And if I refuse?” “Well, in that case, sir, we’d have no option but to cut yours off.” “And what would my wife do then?” the husband asks. “I don’t know. I guess she’d have to use a candle.
Vote: has 82.73 % from 293 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dirty, doctor, phone, wife
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
Vote: has 80.60 % from 125 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, sex, work
A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. With that, the baby pops right back inside. “Damn!”, says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push through again. “Are you my dad?”, asks the baby. “No, I am your doctor.”, he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”. Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out. “Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father. The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!” The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger–”How do you like that?”
Vote: has 75.83 % from 161 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, birthday, dirty, doctor, women
Two girlfriends meet again after a few years. One is pushing around a baby buggy. The first girlfriend looks at the baby and is perplexed. "Black skin? Blue slit eyes? A blonde afro? How did you do that?" Murmurs the other woman. "Damn gangbang! At least he doesn't bark!"
Vote: has 75.19 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dirty, racist, sex, time
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting? A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
Vote: has 72.43 % from 128 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, morbid
I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade. Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
Vote: has 68.80 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, communication, dirty, school
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, marriage, sex