Three men were using the urinals in a public restroom in DC.
The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job.
As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular "At Harvard, I learned to be clean and sanitary."
The second gent zipped up, marched briskly to the sinks, and scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water than the first man, doing a splendidly thorough job nonetheless.
As he was drying his hands (with only one paper towel), he severely announced to no one in particular, "At Yale, I learned to be clean and sanitary, but I ALSO learned to be thrifty and environmentally conscious."
The third man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and ambled past the sinks to the door, muttering to himself, "In kindergarten, I learned not to piss on my hands."
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Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be?
Fred: None!
Fred (surprised): Why not?
Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!
Teacher: Ramu, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's.
Did u copy his?
Ramu: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
When you try to change a man, you basically undertake his mother’s role;
And she made him eat spinach and study for school...
One day a boy came home running while crying.
His mother asked what happened why are you crying?
The boy said`I got punished for something I did not do’.
His mother said ‘That’s horrible.
what did you not do’.
The boy in tears said`my homework’
Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Johnny: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
Little Johnny had just returned from his summer break and gone back to school.
Three days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Hold on," she said.
"I had Johnny with me for the entire summer and I never called you once when he misbehaved."
Vote:
They wanted something long and hard.....
I gave them MY HOMEWORK!
Billy, learned at school that everybody has secrets.
So, he decided to take advantage of it.
One day, as he came home from school, he went in front of his mother and told her: "Mommy, mommy! I know everything!"
His mom, obviously scared to death: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your father about it, okay?"
"Okay mommy!" says Billy and leaves the room with a big smile on his face.
When his dad came from work, he did the same to him as well: "Daddy, daddy! I found out everything!"
Numb, his father puts his hand on his pocket: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your mother, okay?"
"Okay!" says Billy with a bigger smile on his face.
The next morning, on his way to school, he sees the Postman.
He thought he could try it to him too: "Mr. Focker, I know everything!"
The Postman, the minute he heard it, fell on his knees and wide opened his arms: "Then, come... Come closer... My son!"
A boy tells his friend that he has a crush on his teacher.
The second boy says, ‘Man, that is disgusting.’
The first boy says, ‘What?
Everyone has a crush on their teacher.’
The second boy says, ‘Yeah, but you’re home-schooled.’