How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Priest said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
Why do women love Hunters the best as lovers? 1. Hunters have the longest and most powerful rifles. 2. Hunters always....shoot twice. 3. Hunters love to...eat what they shoot!
A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".
Look up "rib" in the dictionary and it says "To vex, irritate or annoy." Look up "rib" in the Bible and it says "Woman." Coincidence?
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay? A. They don't have time.
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
This mothers day, Men all around were criticized for not calling their mothers on such an important day. But me, I thought of the best way to get out of such a mess. Heres how the beginning of the Monday after Mothers Day went for me: Mother: "You know Mike, I was thinking and out of all my sons, you never called me on Mothers Day!" Me: "You know Mom, I was thinking, and out of all my mothers, you never called me on SON-day!" Something like this is bound to make her smile and forget, worked with my Mom!
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.