Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He thought the teacher had said lions.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you? Kids: Meat! Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you? Kids: Bacon! Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you? Kid: Homework!
Teacher: If a lion is chasing you, what would you do? Christy: I'd climb a tree. Teacher: if the lion climbs a tree? Christy: I will jump in the lake and swim. Teacher: if the lion also jumps in the water and swims after you? Christy: Teacher, are you on my side or on the lion's?
Little Johnny's teacher said, "Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's." Did you copy hers?, she asked. Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?" Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."
Little Johnny's class is reviewing the alphabet. His teacher knows that he has an "advanced" vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him. When the teacher asks for a word beginning with "A," Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he'll say, "ass" so she calls on Mary Lou, who says "apple." This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet. Then she gets to "R." She can't think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny. He exclaims, "R is for rats big f**king rats, with 12-inch c**ks!"
Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Class: "Brotherly love."
One day a teacher asked the class, "What is the difference between a bird and a fly?" A student then replied, "A bird can fly but a fly cannot bird."
Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk." Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."