Joke #11012

I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks". How right they were.

A nun and a priest decide to take a day off, so they go golfing. The nun gets a hole-in-one, but the priest hits it into a sand trap. He's so angry, he shouts "God dammit, I missed!". The nun reminds him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and the priest apologizes and tries again. He hits it into the rough, and in his anger, shouts "God dammit, I MISSED!". The nun once again tells him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and he apologizes again. On his third shot, he hits it into the water and yells "GOD DAMMIT I MISSED!" and before the nun can say anything, a bolt of lightning strikes the nun, killing her instantly. Out of nowhere, a loud voice booms "God dammit, I missed".

Two Arabs are sitting in the Gaza Strip chatting over a pint of goats milk. One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. "Here's my second son. He's a martyr too!" After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab wistfully says , They blow up so fast, don't they?"

I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.

What's pink and chunky? A baby with leprosy.

Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only love they get.

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag.

Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!

What goes: "Click-is that it? Click-is that it? Click-is that it?" A blind person with a rubix cube.

What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.

I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, "Thank you. Please come again."