I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks".
How right they were.
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How do you stop an Iraqi tank?
"Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"
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Two guys are bungee-jumping one day.
The first guy says to the second.
"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps.
He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding.
Again, the second guy misses him.
The first guy falls again and bounces back up.
This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"
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Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?
A: I haven't seen you for a year!
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What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!
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What would it take to reunite the Beatles?
Two more bullets.
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Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."
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What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired.
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You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
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Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
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Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!
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