Joke #11012

I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks". How right they were.

A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."

Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex? A: Lefty.

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"

Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor? A: Not cool.

They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

What is a cannibal's favorite food? Baked Beings.

"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."

Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking. Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd. Approaching the owner and he asks him: "What happened here, man?" "Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said. "Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?" "My dog bit her…" "You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?" "Get in line!"

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.

A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hell and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth. The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared. The Mexican, nervously toke the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared. The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames. Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"