Joke #11012

I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks". How right they were.

I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.

What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag? 1 dead baby in 10 bags.

They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.

There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake." The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."

So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!

After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?" After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor". The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair". Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news". The doctor replies, "He's dead".