Joke #11207

Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, life

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DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? " The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull... With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs... "Your badge... Show him your badge!"
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has 85.95 % from 330 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, drug, life
One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. "Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. "My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied. "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your cat!"
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has 85.74 % from 1153 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, little Johnny
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
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has 85.50 % from 1463 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
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has 85.44 % from 1890 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
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has 85.36 % from 1441 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life, travel
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
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has 85.24 % from 810 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, death, time
While learning CPR Chuck Norris actually brought the practice dummy to life.
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has 85.20 % from 960 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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has 85.08 % from 729 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
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has 84.95 % from 894 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you... This is life of a dog.
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has 84.91 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life