Joke #11458

My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
Vote: has 79.27 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, dog, kids, life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex. The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?" The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "they're just making a puppy." "OK" says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further. The next day, the son bursts into his parents' room and sees them having sex. The father jumps up and quickly covers himself. Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table. His son asks him "Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?" Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says "me and mommy were making a baby." His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies "flip mommy over, I want a puppy!"
Vote: has 86.11 % from 3362 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, dad, dog, sex
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
Vote: has 85.27 % from 1375 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, god, kids, marriage, wife
Son: "Daddy; why some of your hairs have turned white?" Father: "Every lie told by you makes one of my hairs white." Son: "Oh now I understood why all grandfathers' hairs are white."
Vote: has 85.06 % from 272 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, communication, dad, family, kids
Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you... This is life of a dog.
Vote: has 84.80 % from 46 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dog, life
Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is called parenting.
Vote: has 84.52 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, family, kids, life
Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?" Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."
Vote: has 84.50 % from 188 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, family, life
A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch. "Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks. The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope." As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" The old man mutters, "Ain't my dog."
Vote: has 84.40 % from 253 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dog, life
Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, "There is a easy way to get what you want." The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret." The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!" The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10." The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!" The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15." The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
Vote: has 84.34 % from 186 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, life, money
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No, what?" The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him." "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must of shot the bear." "That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
Vote: has 84.26 % from 229 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, doctor, kids, life
Two kids were talking together. First: "My daddy is so tall that he can touch the clouds in the sky with his hands." Second: "That is excellent. Does your daddy touch something soft and downy?" First: "Yes, of course." Second: "Those are my daddy's testicles."
Vote: has 84.03 % from 504 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, communication, dad, dirty, kids