Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely, Michael Myers
Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost.
Yo momma’s so ugly, the Government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
Old librarians never die, they just lose their references.
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of stupid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.
Hypocrisy: When a Jehovahs Witness doesn't celebrate Halloween because they don't like random people knocking on their doors.
You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.