Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
A: Hope it's Halloween!
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I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween?
A: On blood vessels.
I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake.
Sincerely, Michael Myers
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Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of stupid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.
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I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in.
Forget the ships.
My lighthouse, my rules...
Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers?
A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
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Yo momma’s so ugly, the Government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Chuck Norris was born feet first.
It was the only time a doctor died during childbirth.
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A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, "Trick or treat?"
I looked at him and asked, "What have you come as?"
He said, "A werewolf."
I said, "But you're not wearing a costume. You've just got your normal clothes on."
He said, "Yeah well, it's not a full moon yet, is it?"
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee.
He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
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