Joke #11501

Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!

I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween? A: On blood vessels.

I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely, Michael Myers

It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.

Q: Why couldn't the witch have children? A: Her husband had a hallow weenie.

Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.

Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? A: Wrap music!

Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.

Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of stupid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.

I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in. Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules...