Joke #11501

Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
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I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely, Michael Myers
Vote: has 48.13 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

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Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost.
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There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string. When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!" "I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!" The man agreed and went into his room. Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string. The woman said, "You're going out as that?" "Yes," said the old man. "If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."
Vote: has 69.86 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: couple, disgusting, Halloween, old people
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank. Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
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More jokes about: business, Halloween, life
If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
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Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse? A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its ass chewed!
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? A: Wrap music!
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Old Farmer Peter was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Peter: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Peter: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
Vote: has 51.64 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

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If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
Vote: has 68.26 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, time, women
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, geek, Halloween, IT, programmer