Joke #11841

Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: accountant, animal, kids, tax

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A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.” The woman, “Ok, I’m a prostitute.” “No, that is still too crude. Try again.” They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.” The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?” “Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”
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has 83.82 % from 416 votes. More jokes about: accountant, dirty, tax, women
Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you? Kids: Meat! Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you? Kids: Bacon! Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you? Kid: Homework!
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has 83.78 % from 257 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, kids, teacher
A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol. She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?" The child responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
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has 83.20 % from 1154 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, death, kids
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
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has 82.77 % from 235 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, god, kids
A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other. "Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you." "In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."
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has 82.41 % from 243 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, food, kids, money
A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his four-year-old son standing at the fence with wide eyes, taking in the whole event. The man thought to himself, "Great, he's four years old and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees now. No need to jump the gun. I guess I'll let him ask and then I'll answer." After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?" "Just one," gasped the wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
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has 82.02 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
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has 78.47 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, tax, work
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
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has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, tax
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
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has 76.32 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, tax
Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?" Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."
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has 75.52 % from 145 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, little Johnny, teacher