Joke #11844

You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, insulting

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A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age." There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47." Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
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has 85.70 % from 2648 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, dirty, food, money
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
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has 78.40 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, health, life
Yo mama so old she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
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has 77.16 % from 669 votes. More jokes about: age, food, insulting, Yo mama
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. When an old Grandpa walked by. And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We BET we can tell exactly how old you are.” The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.” One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.” Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!” Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?” Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison… “We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
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has 77.08 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, nurse, old people, party
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, fat, marriage
Yo mama so old that when she went to the museum, people thought she was part of an exhibit.
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has 72.81 % from 220 votes. More jokes about: age, insulting, Yo mama
A gay couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The one who was giving the party said, "We've blown all our money on parties and fine dining and decorating this house, I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He had the tickets in his hand. Next, it was the birthday boy's turn. He paused for a moment, and then with a sly grin said, "Well, I'd like a boyfriend 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
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has 71.22 % from 317 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, couple, gay, party
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: age, death, insulting
Yo mamma so old she pre-order the bible.
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has 70.08 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: age, bible, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama so old Moses is in her year book.
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has 68.87 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: age, insulting, Yo mama