Joke #1187

What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
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has 24.15 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, men

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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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has 74.36 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men, time
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!" They each continue on their way, and ... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ... and dies immediately. If only men would listen...
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has 74.17 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, men, women
A man had a party where all the rich people attend. And the he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes. But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive. So the host asked, "What are your three wishes?" The man replied, "Give me the shotgun and bulllets and show me the idiot that pushed me in..."
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has 73.31 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: animal, men, party
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
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has 72.92 % from 225 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death, fish, little Johnny
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
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has 71.43 % from 143 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dirty, fish
One day, a guy decides to go ice fishing. He gets out onto the ice and starts making a hole with his ice augur. Suddenly he hears a booming voice say "there's no fish there!" He looks around startled but doesn't see anyone. He packs up and moves to another spot and starts working on a new hole. Again he hears the booming voice "there's no fish there!" He moves again and starts making a new hole and hears the voice again. "There's no fish there!" it booms. He looks up nervously. "G-G-God? I-I-Is that... you?" he asks. "No, it's the arena manager. Get the fuck out of here!"
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, god, management, vulgar
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
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has 69.53 % from 242 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, time
A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle." His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..." He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
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has 69.53 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, drunk, men, wife
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says: "Dam"
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish