Joke #12007

The winner of tonight's election is the Voyager space probe which is currently traveling at 62,137 km per hour away from the Earth into interstellar space.

One day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France. Then, George Bush said, " If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!" Then Dick Cheney said, " Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!" Then Laura Bush said, " If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy." Then the pilot said, " Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."

An Indian and an African walk into a bar... Just jokin'. It's just two liberal white women.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to hire a Mexican guy and two to deport him when he's done.

Starbucks is offering a new drink to honor Nancy Pelosi. They call it the "fullacrapuccino".

The bartender said "Sorry,we don't serve time travelers." Two time travelers walk into a bar.

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on the same plane. The plane crashes. Who survives? America.

In the metro an old lady apostrophizes a nigger who was sitting calm in a seat: In my country, the ladies stay on the sits, and young boys like you stay in their feet! In my country, Africa, the boys stay in the middle of the fire, and the ladies stay in the kettles, boiling.

Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour.

A hitchhiker walks down the road. Unfortunately, he has the runs and has to stop every 15 minutes. A truck driver stops and offers a ride, but warns him that he won't stop for anything. About 10 minutes on the road, the hitchhiker begs the truck driver to stop, and the driver tells him, "Stick your butt out the window if you have to go so bad." The hitchhiker sticks his butt out the window and lets loose. Unfortunately, he doesn't notice the two guys walking on the roadside. Sprayed with feces, the first guy wipes his face and says, "What are them truckers chewing these days?" The second guy wipes his face and says, "I don't know, but did you see the lips on that guy?"

A Liberal found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.