A newlywed couple lay in bed one morning husband says: "How about you go brew us some coffee?"
Wife: "That's your job."
Hasband: "Says who?"
Wife : "The bible, it's on just about every page."
Husband: "The bible don't say anything about brewing coffee."
Wife (Holding her Bible flipping pages): "See every page Hebrews, Hebrews, hebrews."
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The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class,
"Who broke down the walls of Jericho?"
Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!"
The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.
The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth."
Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story...
After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall!"
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A girl started noticing a guy who stands in front of her home everyday in the evening.
She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends.
The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her.
It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings.
So, she told her parents.
They too saw him and liked him.
They discussed with her grandparents about a likely marriage.
But wanted her to make the first move.
The next day, she went to him and said, Hi. I'm Jada.
He said, Hi. I'm Smith.
Hearing this, the girl was very happy as the names were matching like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett.
The girl went on and said, I really appreciate your patience and decency.
You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now.
So, I understand that you are in love with me but too shy to say it.
I think i really like you too and would love it if we get married.
The guy smiled and said, Forgive me sister! Actually your home's WIFI doesn't have a password. So, i come here every evening after work to use free wi-fi to chat with my girlfriend.
A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning.
The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first.
The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job.
The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it.
The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it.
She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".
Vote:
Man: You've brought religion into my life.
Woman: Really? How?
Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.
Q: Did you hear about the the evangelical atheist?
A: She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine.
But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
A priest took a beautiful girl in his bedroom.
He put a Bible on the bed and asked the girl to lie on the bed.
When the priest tried to have sex with her, the girl shouted:
"Father, what are you doing?"
The priest replied "Calm down my child.
Holy Bible under you, Holy Father above you and Holy water passing through."
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
Q: Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
A: Abraham. He knew a Lot.
Once upon a time, in a far away land, a beautiful independent, confident princess met a frog, while sitting and considering the environmental issues of the world, at the side of an infected lake, in a very green meadow, near her castle.
The frog jumped on princess’ knees and said: "My sweet lady, once I was a handsome prince, until an evil witch cursed me.
I f you kiss me, however, I will become again that graceful prince I once was.
Then, my sweety, we will get married and we will live in your castle, and you will cook for me, you will wash my clothes, and you will give birth to my childre and you will feel so happy and graceful for being able to do all these things forever!"
That night, the princess enjoying her nice cooked frog legs, she chuckled inside and thought: "...and then he woke up."