Joke #12116

Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing. He found her to be possessive and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence.
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage

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One morning when I was going out of the house I met my neighbor's daughter who was pregnant. When I returned home I saw her father closing the door. I told him: "Your daughter hasn't married yet I wonder how it is possible a girl without any husband be pregnant? For a moment her father with a bitter smile said: "She isn't pregnant; it is all wind in her belly. She farts and would recovery." Next year perchance I saw the same girl with a baby in her arms. Next day when I was going out facing her father so I told him: "I saw your daughter with her fart in her arms."
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has 85.82 % from 1085 votes. More jokes about: baby, communication, fart, marriage, time
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra." Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!" Wife: "You wear shorts!"
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has 83.05 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, marriage, mean, money
I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
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has 80.00 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean, sport, wife
Wife: "There's something preying on my mind." Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
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has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, hunting, marriage, mean
My wife said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before." So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, communication, marriage, mean, travel
A priest and a nun were on a mission trip up in the mountains when a snowstorm Came up. They saw an abandoned log cabin and went inside. The priest started a fire in the fireplace and found blankets and a sleeping bag but only one bed. The priest told the nun that she could sleep on the bed and he would sleep in the sleeping bag in the floor. As they were alone and beginning to get settled. The young nun said, "father?" in a song-song voice. He answered, "yes, sister?" "I'm cold." The priest got up and went to the closet and got another blanket and covered the nun. As he was settling back into his sleeping bag, she again said, "father?" "Yes, sister?" "I'm still cold." The priest got up and got another blanket from the closet and added it to the sisters' bed, tucking her in. He climbed back into the sleeping bag. Just as he was getting settled and the fire was crackling she called out to him again. "I'm still cold!" He said, "sister?" "Yes?" "We are all alone out here in this cabin in the mountains." "Yes, we are!" "Just this once... Yes? Just tonight... yes? Do you want to pretend that we are married?" "Oh yes! I do!" "Ok... get up and get your own dang blanket!"
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean, priest, weather
I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company. One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh. The procedure required him to delete an old file. On the Mac, there is an icon of a trash can that is used to collect items to be permanently deleted. I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash. Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don't forget to empty the trash." Obediently he replied, "Yes, dear."
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, IT, marriage, technology
Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?" He says, "No, our house isn't blue."
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning. The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first. The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job. The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it. The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it. She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: bible, communication, marriage, work