Joke #12116

Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing. He found her to be possessive and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence.
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage

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One morning when I was going out of the house I met my neighbor's daughter who was pregnant. When I returned home I saw her father closing the door. I told him: "Your daughter hasn't married yet I wonder how it is possible a girl without any husband be pregnant? For a moment her father with a bitter smile said: "She isn't pregnant; it is all wind in her belly. She farts and would recovery." Next year perchance I saw the same girl with a baby in her arms. Next day when I was going out facing her father so I told him: "I saw your daughter with her fart in her arms."
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has 85.79 % from 925 votes. More jokes about: baby, communication, fart, marriage, time
I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
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has 84.17 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean, sport, wife
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra." Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!" Wife: "You wear shorts!"
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has 82.02 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, marriage, mean, money
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
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has 80.46 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, hunting, marriage, mean
Wife: "There's something preying on my mind." Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
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has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?" He says, "No, our house isn't blue."
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
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has 72.56 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, fart, marriage, mean, sex
I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company. One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh. The procedure required him to delete an old file. On the Mac, there is an icon of a trash can that is used to collect items to be permanently deleted. I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash. Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don't forget to empty the trash." Obediently he replied, "Yes, dear."
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, IT, marriage, technology
A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning. The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first. The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job. The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it. The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it. She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: bible, communication, marriage, work
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, marriage, old people