Joke #12210

Q: What did the fire monster that was slayed by the water monster say? A: "You're cold."

Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?" He says, "No, our house isn't blue."

Q: What is the difference between a teenager on her rag and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect holiday, so I had to stay home!

"I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped.

My friend's dad went to Hungary. I asked her, "Was your dad hungry in Hungary?"

The following conversation took place in school. Teacher: "So we are all descended from Adam and Eve." Young kid: "My dad says we came from apes." Teacher: "That's probably true for your family Abdul."

A guy rang up to air port and said: "Do you mind me please to ask how long is from New York to Sanfransico? The lady replied "A moment..." Then the guy said "Thank you" and ceased conversation.

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety three." "Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world." The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: "It's easy, I just outlived the bitches."

"I spent the whole evening knotsurfing!" "Don't you mean netsurfing?" "No, everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!"

Librarians may be shy, but their patrons aren't. Look at their oddball requests: A patron offered me $100 to steal a cactus from somebody's yard. A patron wanted me to find a book to teach her dog german. A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck. A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn't at work.