Joke #12326

Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you." I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She said, "It's me talking to the wine.
Vote: has 83.29 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wife, wine
My ex-girlfriend loves the heat. She has a nostalgia for hell.
Vote: has 82.81 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: love, mean, relationship
I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
Vote: has 82.31 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
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A man gets the words 'I love you' tattoed to his penis. He goes home and shows his wife. His wife says, "Don't try to put words into my mouth!"
Vote: has 81.41 % from 1070 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dirty, love, wife
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. "Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid." "Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
Vote: has 81.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
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I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
Vote: has 81.26 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
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Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra." Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!" Wife: "You wear shorts!"
Vote: has 80.86 % from 43 votes. Send joke:
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I was wondering why air is so polluted. Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air". Now it makes sense.
Vote: has 79.96 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
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When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it. It turned out to be a high school classmate of my husband's named Love. He said next time we needed any repairs to ask for him. The next year when we needed service again, we requested Mr. Love. I took the day off from work and waited for him to arrive. After he had worked on our air conditioner, he left his work order behind. It had my name and said: "Wants Love in afternoon."
Vote: has 79.57 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
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The wife and I had come to town to pick up a few things. We came out of one store and saw a cop writing a ticket for illegal parking right in front of us on the curb. So we asked him nicely to give a couple of retirees a break. But he paid us no attention and kept writing. Just loud enough for him to hear, my wife said, "What a Bozo." The cop looked up, stared at my wife, then started writing out another ticket. I said, "Honey, this guy probably just learned to read and write, and he's so proud of himself, he's showing off." The cop tore off the 2nd ticket and started on a third. We kept making comments and he kept writing tickets till he was up to about half a dozen. Finally, glaring at us, the cop left, and we walked on down the street. We didn't care about the tickets. We always take the bus into town, and anyway, that car was one of those obnoxious Hummers. Being retired, we always try to find ways to keep ourselves amused. We feel it's important.
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
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