Joke #12452

"I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped.
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has 46.87 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, life

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, " ;because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because Im responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss. The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... The ass hole is usually in charge.
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has 83.66 % from 178 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, life, management, work
A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating." The teacher says, "No, I said, fascinate." Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life." The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate." Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."
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has 81.54 % from 934 votes. More jokes about: communication, life, little Johnny, student, teacher
Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is called parenting.
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has 80.46 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: communication, family, kids, life
Q: What did the pencil say to the sharpener? A: Stop going in circles and get to the point.
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has 80.14 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: communication, life
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer, life
Q: What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? A: What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
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has 73.56 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: communication, life, sex
Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?" "No, I'm still alive."
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, life, political
My wife found a porn magazine in our son's room the other day. She showed it to me, and it was BDSM. She asked me "What we should do?" Me: "Probably not spank him." She belted me with the magazine. Now I know where he gets it from.
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has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, life, wife
My dotor told me: "I've tow news for U; one good and the other one bad, which one do U prefer to hear first?" I replied I prefer the good one. Doctor: "U will die after next 24 hours!" I told: "Then what is the bad newsrnDoctor: "I forgot to tell U yesterday!"
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has 69.02 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, life, time
The buzzword of this election is "CHANGE." Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to. Just that we need CHANGE! This brings to mind the following illustration... Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the "Gunny" that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear. The "Gunny" responded, "Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately." He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, Brown, you change with Schultz..." "Change, now get on with it!" And the moral is: A candidate may promise change in Washington... but the stink remains!
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has 68.66 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: communication, life, military, political, time