Joke #12676

Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: mean, technology, vulgar

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm. He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing." The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck". The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"
Vote: has 82.37 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, drunk, mean, vulgar, wife
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
Vote: has 78.55 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: internet, IT, kids, mean, technology
Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
Vote: has 78.55 % from 96 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids, mean, sex, vulgar
Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We're closed.
Vote: has 78.47 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, dirty, mean, vulgar
The wife and I had come to town to pick up a few things. We came out of one store and saw a cop writing a ticket for illegal parking right in front of us on the curb. So we asked him nicely to give a couple of retirees a break. But he paid us no attention and kept writing. Just loud enough for him to hear, my wife said, "What a Bozo." The cop looked up, stared at my wife, then started writing out another ticket. I said, "Honey, this guy probably just learned to read and write, and he's so proud of himself, he's showing off." The cop tore off the 2nd ticket and started on a third. We kept making comments and he kept writing tickets till he was up to about half a dozen. Finally, glaring at us, the cop left, and we walked on down the street. We didn't care about the tickets. We always take the bus into town, and anyway, that car was one of those obnoxious Hummers. Being retired, we always try to find ways to keep ourselves amused. We feel it's important.
Vote: has 76.80 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, cop, mean, old people, vulgar
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, customer service, mean, technology
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention? A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, mean, time, vulgar, work
I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: holiday, mean, office, technology, work
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
Vote: has 64.34 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, mean, relationship, sex, technology
The July temperature in Joplin climbed over the one hundred mark. Despite the scorching heat, Bozell was outside painting his house. A passerby stopped for a moment to watch him and then asked, "How cum yer wearin' two jackets?" "'Cause," said the redneck, "the directions on the can say ta put on two coats!"
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: mean, redneck, vulgar, weather