Joke #12676

Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
Vote: has 71.76 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: mean, technology, vulgar

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!" Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."
Vote: has 83.37 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, vulgar
Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm. He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing." The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck". The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"
Vote: has 80.62 % from 56 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, drunk, mean, vulgar, wife
The wife and I had come to town to pick up a few things. We came out of one store and saw a cop writing a ticket for illegal parking right in front of us on the curb. So we asked him nicely to give a couple of retirees a break. But he paid us no attention and kept writing. Just loud enough for him to hear, my wife said, "What a Bozo." The cop looked up, stared at my wife, then started writing out another ticket. I said, "Honey, this guy probably just learned to read and write, and he's so proud of himself, he's showing off." The cop tore off the 2nd ticket and started on a third. We kept making comments and he kept writing tickets till he was up to about half a dozen. Finally, glaring at us, the cop left, and we walked on down the street. We didn't care about the tickets. We always take the bus into town, and anyway, that car was one of those obnoxious Hummers. Being retired, we always try to find ways to keep ourselves amused. We feel it's important.
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, cop, mean, old people, vulgar
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
Vote: has 78.47 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: internet, IT, kids, mean, technology
Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We're closed.
Vote: has 78.47 % from 50 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, dirty, mean, vulgar
Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
Vote: has 76.66 % from 108 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, kids, mean, sex, vulgar
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, customer service, mean, technology
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention? A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, mean, time, vulgar, work
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
Vote: has 65.14 % from 40 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, mean, relationship, sex, technology
A man has visited a fortune teller because he wanted to know his future. The fortune teller has taken a look at him from his head to his toes and has said: "you will be not rich because you have a very small ass and with such an ass it is not possible to sit on two seats."
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: mean, money, time, vulgar, work