A nice respectable lady with a savory smell of perfume got on the bus and took a seat beside me.
After some moments I dared to ask her: "Excuse me lady do you mind me please to ask you what is the name of this perfume and where did you buy it from? I want to buy one for my wife."
The lady responded: "It is Chanel and from Paris."
After about ten minutes later I felt a strong wind in my belly so I slowly blew it out.
Some seconds later she broke and said: "Offf... what is this smell my God"?
I said: "Gar lic and from Gilroy city in California."
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The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
“You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Q: Who is brave?
A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!
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Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.
If you have a grief nobody feels,
If you have a pain nobody feels.
If your heart is broken nobody feels,
but if you fart all will understand.
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A young punk gets on the cross-town bus.
He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple, and orange.
His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags.
His legs are bare and he's wearing worn-out shoes.
His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers.
He sits down in the only vacant seat that's directly across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles.
Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man, "What are you looking at you old fart... didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"
Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah, back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore and screwed a parrot....
I thought maybe you were my son.''
regular ass
(_!_)
fat ass
(__!__)
tight ass
(!)
flat ass
(_._)
bubble ass
(_^_)
sore ass
(_*_)
lop-sided ass
(_!__)
swishy ass
{_!_}
surprised ass
(_o_)
ass that's been around
(_O_)
kiss my ass
(_x_)
leave my ass alone
(_X_)
tired ass
(_zzz_)
wise ass
(_o^o_)
unlucky ass
(_13_)
money out the ass
(_$_)
dumb ass
(_?_)
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A businessman was about to go on a long business trip, and was worried that his wife would cheat on him while he was gone.
So to prevent this, he visited the local sex shop in order to buy his wife a vibrator to keep her occupied in his absence.
After examining the products, he hadn't found an appropriately amazing vibrator and asked the store clerk for help.
The store clerk recommended the "Voodoo D**k."
"How does it work?" asked the businessman.
The clerk unwrapped the Voodoo D**k from its ceremonial tiki box and said to it, "Voodoo D**k that door."
The vibrator flew out of the box and attacked the door with such vigor that the door split in half.
"Fantastic," said the man.
"I'll take it!"
He instructed his wife on how to use the Voodoo D**k and left on his business trip.
Soon, his wife decided to try it out and said the magic words: "Voodoo D**k my p***y."
The Voodoo D**k flew out of the box and gave her orgasm after orgasm.
But soon it became too much, and she couldn't figure out how to make it stop.
So she got into her car and began driving to the hospital, swerving so much that she got pulled over by the police.
The policeman asked her why she was driving so recklessly and she explained to him that she had a Voodoo D**k inside her that wouldn't leave her alone.
The policeman looked at her skeptically and said, "Voodoo D**k, my ass."
Q: Why did my wife cross the road?
A: To go back to the first shoe shop we went in three bloody hours ago.
Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"
To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants then..."
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