Q: Why did the blonde keep an empty carton of milk in the fridge? A: In case she wanted black coffee.
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.” When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?” The blonde nods… “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor. “No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building. The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death. That weekend at the funeral, the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me." And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde replys "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!" The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little idiot on your knee!"
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.” “Why not?” “I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price for my cucumber. "Maybe the list is alphabetical," I offered. So he started searching from the bottom of the list: "Q... Q... Q..."
Yo' Mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
An aircraft is flying when all over sudden a bird crashes through the cockpit and kills both the pilot and co pilot. Having heard the crash a blonde flight attendant rushes in to find out what happened. Once inside the cockpit the plane jerks and the cabin door slams shut and can't be opened. So she pulls the captain out of his seat and sits down, taking the radio into her hands and says, "May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! The pilots are dead and I don't know how to fly. Help Me! Please Help Me!" She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position!" "I'm 5'4 and in the front seat of the plane." "O.K." says the voice on the radio. "Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven..."
Patty was quietly minding her own business, eating her soup alone in her booth at a local eatery, when a voice startled her from behind. It was the guy in the booth behind her. "Not so loud!" he said. "What?" she questioned, as she took another spoonful of soup. "I said not so loud!" was his muffled reply. Embarrassed at being told she was slurping her soup, she pushed away her bowl and started her grilled cheese sandwich. "How was your day?" questioned the man from behind once again. "Pretty good" responded Patty, confused that this stranger would care. "Did you pass the exam?" came the next question from behind. "I don't know, I didn't get my grade yet" replied a thoroughly bewildered Patty. "I'll have to call you back when I'm out of here", came the voice from behind once again, "some nut job is answering every question I ask you!
Yo momma is so stupid she stared at an orange juice container for 2 hours because it said concentrate.