Joke #1286

Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
Vote: has 51.39 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, funeral

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
Vote: has 85.54 % from 413 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral, husband, women
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Vote: has 78.15 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, fish, funeral, money, old people
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
Vote: has 74.63 % from 71 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral
There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?" The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
Vote: has 72.45 % from 124 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, funeral, husband, racist, wife
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake." The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
Vote: has 68.72 % from 130 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, black humor, death, funeral, gay
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, democrat, funeral, money
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
Vote: has 57.11 % from 98 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral, music
Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion? "Ask your sister" "I don't have a..."
Vote: has 75.60 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost. Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?" "Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Sol. Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
Vote: has 84.46 % from 391 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, black humor, heaven, sport
Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, funeral