Joke #13109

I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
Vote:
has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: food, Halloween, ugly, wife

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Vote:
has 85.60 % from 314 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, wife, wine
A man is talking to the family doctor, "Doc, I think my wife’s going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is." The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what’s for dinner?" He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her. "Honey, what’s for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he’s standing just a few feet away from her. Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we’re having MEATLOAF!"
Vote:
has 85.60 % from 560 votes. More jokes about: doctor, family, food, marriage, wife
Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building. The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death. That weekend at the funeral, the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me." And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde replys "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."
Vote:
has 85.55 % from 234 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, food, wife, work
One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car. He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house. The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen. The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken. "That"s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman. "How do they taste?" "I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never caught one."
Vote:
has 83.62 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, food, time, wife
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, “I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.” I said, “Well, then why are you crying?” He said, “She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.” I said, “Well, why are you crying?” He said, “For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours” I said, “Well, why in the world would you be crying?” He said, “I can’t remember where I live!”
Vote:
has 83.44 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: age, food, memory, old people, wife
A man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing isn’t as good as it used to be. What should I do?” The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn’t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.” The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, “What’s for dinner, honey? He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Still, no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” She replies, “For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!”
Vote:
has 79.48 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, men, wife
Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her for Halloween!
Vote:
has 76.10 % from 219 votes. More jokes about: Halloween, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?
Vote:
has 75.58 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: Halloween, time, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mama so ugly that her mom only fed her with a sling shot.
Vote:
has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, ugly, Yo mama
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
Vote:
has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, religious, wife