Joke #13167

After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, medical, work

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A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took our advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house
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has 85.10 % from 445 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life, medical, work
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
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has 84.97 % from 795 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, husband, marriage, wife
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
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has 83.02 % from 331 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, sex, work
My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted. I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
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has 79.26 % from 344 votes. More jokes about: baby, fart, relationship, sex, work
A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. With that, the baby pops right back inside. “Damn!”, says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push through again. “Are you my dad?”, asks the baby. “No, I am your doctor.”, he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”. Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out. “Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father. The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!” The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger–”How do you like that?”
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has 78.74 % from 221 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, dirty, doctor, women
A kid asks his mom "why his sisters' middle name is Paris?" "Because that's where we conceived her." "Next, I was going to ask why my middle name is Chevy but now I know why."
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has 77.17 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, family, geography, sex
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!". Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...
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has 77.09 % from 253 votes. More jokes about: baby, life, management, work
Two liars were talking together: First: "My father built 1550 miles of 101 freeway in west of US lonely in one night." Second: "That is nothing but I've been born from my mother's ass." First: "It's impossible. I do'nt believe you." Second: "Shut up. I've believed your 1550 miles distance but why you don't believe my only 4 inches length?"
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Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth? A: No make-up.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: baby, beauty, birthday, blonde
A pregnant lady learns from her dentist that she needs a root canal. She says to the dentist, "darn ... I'd just as soon give birth as have a root canal". The dentist replies, "well, make up your mind so I know what position to put the chair in".
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has 57.40 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: baby, communication, dentist, medical, women