Joke #13243

I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
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A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."
Vote: has 75.96 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
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A priest was driving down the road one day when getting stopped by a cop. The cop smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He said to the priest, "Father, have you been drinking?" The priest replied, "Only water, officer." The cop then asked him, "Then why can I smell wine?" The priest looked at the bottle and said, "Good Lord! He's done it again."
Vote: has 78.92 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
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Boy: "Do you like parties?" Girl: "Yes, why?" Boy: "Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!"
Vote: has 73.01 % from 62 votes. Send joke:
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It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift. The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers". "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him. The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy." "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also. The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked. "No," said the little girl. So she tasted it again. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "Noooo," replied the little girl, "It's a puppy."
Vote: has 72.60 % from 61 votes. Send joke:
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It's funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible... But 8 glasses of wine can be done in one meal.
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There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
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This elliptical isn't the only thing getting my heart rate up.
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Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat? A: The Grape-full Dead!
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A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt. This must be a sign from God!" Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth." The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must surely be a sign from God!" The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this! Here's another miracle! My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break. Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune." The priest nods in agreement. The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest. The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?" The rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."
Vote: has 81.16 % from 110 votes. Send joke:
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Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!
Vote: has 64.76 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
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