Joke #13243

I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"

I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.

The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.

I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you." I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She said, "It's me talking to the wine.

It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift. The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers". "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him. The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy." "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also. The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked. "No," said the little girl. So she tasted it again. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "Noooo," replied the little girl, "It's a puppy."

Sweet candies are nice to eat, sweet words are easy to say, but sweet people are hard to find. Oh my God! How did you find me?

If you really want to loosen your pectineus, you should skip the squats and let me stretch them out.

A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island. The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger. The three start to build a watchtower. The stranger offers to take first watch. While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No sex on the beach! Get back to work!" The husband yells back, "We're not having sex!" Later, the stranger yells out to them again. Again, the husband yells back and corrects him. This happens several times during the stranger's shift. Finally, the husband's takes his shift in the watch tower. His wife and the good-looking stranger make passionate love on the beach. The husband on watch exclaims, "Wow, it really does look like f**king from up here!"

There's no wine holder on this vacuum cleaner. It's like it wasn't even designed for women. How can I be expected to work under these conditions?