Joke #13300

Q: What's the best way to talk to a velociraptor? A: Long distance!
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has 54.77 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, dinosaur

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A marine general, an army general, and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!" The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?" The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!" Without hesitating, the private kills the man. The general says, "See? That man has balls!" The marine general says, "That's nothing. Private, get over here!" The marine private reports, "Yes, sir?". The marine general says, "See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself." Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds. The marine general says, "See? Now that man has balls!" The admiral says, "That's nothing." He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!" The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?" The admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!" The seaman replies, "Fuck you, sir!" The admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains too!"
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has 86.07 % from 243 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, military, navy, stupid
My friend's father died last night so I asked him "What was the cause of his father's death?" He said, "A bus passed over his finger!" I laughed and told him: "It is not a suitable cause." My friend said: "When the bus crashed, his finger was on his nose!"
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has 84.36 % from 274 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, friendship, travel
On the day of my big job interview I woke up late. Frantically I threw on a suit. "OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!" I grabbed a tie and ran out the door. "Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!" "Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench." Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions. After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down. "Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied. "What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously. "I ran a morgue." was the reply.
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has 81.89 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, time, work
Q: Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert? A: "Yes, the red wire."
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has 79.96 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, work
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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has 77.88 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, communication, death, old people
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer, life
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "Hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "Yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, food
Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by? The first one said, "I wonder whether she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde." Her friend said, "She's a suicide blonde." The other said, "Suicide blonde? What's that?" The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, communication, death, women
My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104. We called her Aunt Tique.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, communication, death, family
Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex? A: Lefty.
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has 71.35 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, dinosaur