Joke #13325

Q: How do you make holy water? A: You boil the hell out of it.
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has 90.39 % from 1182 votes. More jokes about: christian, religious, science

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A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English. Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?" "You mean J.C?", responds the alien. "yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok". Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!" The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?" The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?" The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"
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has 78.15 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, christian, communication, religious, time
There were two nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It was getting dark and they are far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to make love to us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. A little while later… SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way He cannot follow us both. The man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrived at the convent and was worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrived. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me. SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants dow
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has 58.94 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: christian, religious
Q: What did Jesus tell the Mexicans just before he died? A: Act stupid until I get back.
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has 34.36 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, mexican, racist, religious
Jesus walks into an inn and hands the innkeeper 3 nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"
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has 32.20 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: bar, christian, religious
Q: Who was the smartest man in the Bible? A: Abraham. He knew a Lot.
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has 60.41 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: bible, christian
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.
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has 72.33 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, science, winter
An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork... Have you actually ever tasted it?" The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion." Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too... I know you’re supposed to be celibate. But..." The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you’re going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice." There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn’t it?"
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has 75.33 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: priest, religious, sex, travel
Q: Why can't atheists solve exponential equations? A: Because they don't believe in higher powers.
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has 76.98 % from 218 votes. More jokes about: atheist, math, religious
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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has 79.28 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: food, science, sex, wedding, women
There were 3 people on a boat, Chuck Norris, Jesus, and the Penelope, Jesus said "I bet I can walk across the water." He did, Chuck Norris tried, he did, the Penelope said "They did it that means I do it." , He tried, he sank, Jesus said: "Should I have told him about the rocks?" Chuck Norris said "What rocks?"
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has 43.58 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, christian, Chuck Norris, communication