Joke #13325

Q: How do you make holy water? A: You boil the hell out of it.
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has 94.92 % from 1014 votes. More jokes about: christian, religious, science

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A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English. Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?" "You mean J.C?", responds the alien. "yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok". Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!" The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?" The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?" The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"
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has 79.49 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, christian, communication, religious, time
Q: What did Jesus tell the Mexicans just before he died? A: Act stupid until I get back.
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has 35.71 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, mexican, racist, religious
Jesus walks into an inn and hands the innkeeper 3 nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"
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has 32.98 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: bar, christian, religious
If you weigh 78kg on earth you will weigh 13kg on the moon. If Chuck Norris weighs 78kg on earth, the moon weighs 13kg on Chuck Norris.
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science
One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down. The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke." The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas." The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system." All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."
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has 79.75 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: car, computer, IT, science
The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
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has 41.89 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: life, political, religious, time
Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats? A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
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has 57.92 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, science
Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
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has 50.97 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science
Q: How does Jesus celebrate Easter? A: He gets a manicure, pedicure, and has his nails polished.
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has 44.07 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: beauty, christian, easter
My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgmental, but really, I've only ever known and loved her as Christine.
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has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: christian, relationship