Joke #13390

I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week. I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".

Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews? A: Santa comes down the chimney.

Yo mama's so stupid she tried comiting suicide by jumping of a tall building but got lost on the way down.

1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island. After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself. After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her. After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.

Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".

Chuck Norris was a comedian, but everyone started to die of laughter.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

Chuck Norris's kill ratio on Call of Duty:Black Ops is infinity.

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

Q: How do you kill 1000 Jews at once? A: Throw a dollar off a cliff.