Joke #13390

I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week. I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: death

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A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, “Mary. Mary.” “Is that you, Fred?” “Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.” “What’s it like?” “Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.” “Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.” “Not exactly, I’m a sheep in Wales.”
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has 79.59 % from 419 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, heaven, husband, sex
When a Jedi dies they become part of the force, when the force dies it becomes part of Chuck Norris.
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has 52.10 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
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Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
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has 66.96 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: death, desert island, Hitler, lawyer
Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
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has 34.19 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, hunting
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween? A: On blood vessels.
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: death, Halloween, travel
Jenna, Jessica and ariana die. They all go to heaven and GOD says, "You can do whatever you want, just don't step on a pink cloud". The first day, Jenna goes out and comes back with a ugly guy. Jessica and Ariana ask, "what happen?". Jenna says, "I stepped on a pink cloud". The next day, Jessica goes out, she comes back with a ugly guy. Jenna and Ariana ask, "what happen?". Jessica says, "I stepped on a pink cloud". The following day Araina goes out and comes back with a HOTT guy, blue eyes, thin and tall. Jenna and jessica ask, "What happen?" The guy says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".
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has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: death, god, heaven, life, ugly
Chuck Norris once stared death in the face... Death pissed his pants.
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has 58.28 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
"I want a divorce"! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
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has 68.61 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: black humor, church, death, divorce, wedding
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, we have to be sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"
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has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, hunting, phone