Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?!
Yeah, that's how us guys feel about push-up bras!
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Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar.
"Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?"
"Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
"A pair of slippers and a dildo?"
"Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "
Guy: Wanna suck my dick?
Girl: No.
Guy: Probably for the best. I mean, it has a label-Warning! Choking Hazard!
Girl: Isn't that the warning put on tiny objects?
A woman and baby are in the doctors surgery, the doc is concerned about the babys weight, "Is he bottle fed or breast fed?
The woman replies, "Breast fed."
The doc gets her to strip down to her waist so he can examine her breasts.
He pinches her nipples and sucks and rubs both breasts for a while ...
"No wonder the baby is underweight, you have no milk."
Woman replies, "I know, Im his granny ... but Im glad I came!"
What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k?
A joystick does its job.
The neighbor from below told me that If I flood him once again, he will rape me.
So I turn on the water. I sit and wait.
There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.
Two nuns are sitting on a park bench.
A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them.
The first nun has a stroke.
The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.
What did the Left Nut say to the right nut?
Don't talk to the guy in the middle he's a d*ck!...
My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her.
"...........dishes."
There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom.
The Marine goes to leave without washing up.
The sailor catches up with him later and says, "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands."
The Marine replies, "In the Marines, they teach us not to pee on ours!"