Joke #13560

The nose drops „Big smeller" – let´s have a blow-out.
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: health, medical

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A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took our advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house
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has 85.04 % from 399 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life, medical, work
Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone? A: You can't hear a vitamin.
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has 79.96 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: health, insulting, medical, women
Q: Why is it that so many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances.
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: health, lawyer, medical, stupid
Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons." Boy: "Really?" Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: health, medical, Valentines day
Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops? A: Apparently they make you look hard.
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: health, medical, viagra
Q: What do you call a family full of cancer patients? A: Jason Voorhees' relatives.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: family, health, medical
Q: What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses? A: Bronchitis.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: cowboy, health, horse, medical
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: age, health, medical, old people, student
Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"? A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: health, insulting, medical, women
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
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has 29.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: health, IT, medical, money, time