Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer.
"How's it going?", someone asked.
"Oh, not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."
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Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case.
"Look," said one, "let's be honest with each other."
"Okay, you first," replied the other.
That was the end of the discussion.
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The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."
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Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers?
A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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A lawyer has just settled down in his new office.
So now, he is thinking what he can do to have clients.
After a long time thinking, a man comes into the office.
Right away, the lawyer decides to make his new plan take action.
So he picks up the phone and says: "Unfortunately, Ms. Onassis, I cannot undertake your case right now. I am working full time, call me in a month to see if I can help you."
He puts the phone down and says to the waiting man: "How can I help you sir?"
"Nothing really, I am from telephone communications, I just came to connect your phone."
A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
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A lawyer and a basketball player want to make a deal.
Suggest a place where both of them would be happy to meet.
Of course, they should at the court.
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Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse.
Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.
"I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"